It ended before it began.
And just like that my life's taken another turn, an upexpected twist, and it's left me at a loss for words. I'm alone in the office again, listening to the clock ticking away as it sits atop the bookshelf across the room, knowing that I really should be working and getting things done, but it seems that that will wait for a little while longer. I wish I could explain why things turn out the way they do sometimes.
I am perplexed at what God is doing in my life at the moment. Lately I've found myself asking for answers and clear direction but it seems that it is not time for me to know just quite everything yet. I think we all want to know what the future holds, but these days I'm finding that maybe, I should just be learning what it really means to be present and to live each and everyday. Sometimes I think God doesn't tell me things because it's the only way He can really get me to stay on track, and trust that He's got everything covered.
This morning went by in a blur. Awakening to the sound of text messages on my phone at 6:30am. A phone conversation at 6:35am. Meeting face to face at 7:15am. Not exactly the usual start to my day at all, and yet something I wouldn't trade for anything in the world. I hope you know that I am not sorry you've come into my life, but I think I may have to say those words a few more times before you'll finally believe me and see that God is working something through all this, only it might not be quite what we were hoping for at this time. It doesn't mean it'll never happen though, there's still hope. As long as there's God, there's still hope.
I wish I could write a little more, but the truth is my thoughts are way too jumbled up for me to make sense of them, and I think we're quite beyond my writing anything that might seem even semi-comprehensible. But it's okay, I expect I'll probably have something to say in a few days. In the meantime, to whoever it is that pops by occasionally to check in, I'm okay. Actually, I'm better than okay. And I guess that's all I can really ask for right now.
About Me
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
-- Marianne Williamson
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