Facing the mirror

Job 40:3-5 (The Message)
Job Answers God
I'm Ready to Shut Up and Listen

3-5 Job answered:

"I'm speechless, in awe—words fail me.
I should never have opened my mouth!
I've talked too much, way too much.
I'm ready to shut up and listen."

Message: Who's doing all the talking? Are you really ready to listen or are you just going through the motions but not really paying attention to anything that's being said?

Job 42:1-6 (The Message)

Job Worships God
I Babbled On About Things Far Beyond Me

1-6 Job answered God: "I'm convinced: You can do anything and everything.
Nothing and no one can upset your plans.
You asked, 'Who is this muddying the water,
ignorantly confusing the issue, second-guessing my purposes?'
I admit it. I was the one. I babbled on about things far beyond me,
made small talk about wonders way over my head.
You told me, 'Listen, and let me do the talking.
Let me ask the questions. You give the answers.'
I admit I once lived by rumors of you;
now I have it all firsthand—from my own eyes and ears!
I'm sorry—forgive me. I'll never do that again, I promise!
I'll never again live on crusts of hearsay, crumbs of rumor."

Message: God's plans will come to pass in His time, according to His will which remains a mystery to us all. But to trust means we have to stop second-guessing at all costs. The introduction of doubt only adds unnecessary stress which was supposed to be prevented when God promises that we're taken care of. We must be careful of who we think God is, are we believing rumors about Him, or are we seeking Him and His word to find the truth for ourselves?

1 Peter 1:18-21 (The Message)

18-21Your life is a journey you must travel with a deep consciousness of God. It cost God plenty to get you out of that dead-end, empty-headed life you grew up in. He paid with Christ's sacred blood, you know. He died like an unblemished, sacrificial lamb. And this was no afterthought. Even though it has only lately—at the end of the ages—become public knowledge, God always knew he was going to do this for you. It's because of this sacrificed Messiah, whom God then raised from the dead and glorified, that you trust God, that you know you have a future in God.

Message: Where have we placed our hope? No, it's not wrong to hope for things, but our ultimate hope is Christ and must always remain so or we can be sure that we will derail and go off track. God always knew everything that was going to happen to us, so who are we to think He won't take care of the end result?

It's been a tiring weekend. Much happened and I am exhausted - physically and emotionally. And today will be a long day, probably until 11.30pm or so, but that's not a bad thing. Brent is going for a training session on how to share the gospel, and I've requested to tag along with my big bro because 1) I don't have to teach piano tonight, 2) I think I could really benefit from the training and 3) I've determined that the best use of my time would be to spend it on the things of God and His Kingdom and this is a good opportunity to do so.

This past weekend I realized how wise God is in not giving me the things I want the moment I want it. I think I have a tendency to want things before I'm ready for them and clearly I still have a lot of growing up to do before anything else can happen. May God forgive me for my foolishness and wanting something that at this point is beyond my capacity. How incredibly selfish.

I'm not angry about it, but I am disappointed. And really, I am disappointed with myself because one would think I should know better by now, but evidently I don't and still have much to learn. I wonder how it is that people around me can seem to set their goals and focus so much better than I can and it's frustrating how easily distracted I can become when I know full well that I have an abundance of things set before me that I have to do, and yet seem to grab any excuse not to follow through with them.

I find that I have no excuse for this, other than that I am undisciplined, disobedient and inordinately lazy at times. What doesn't make sense to me is that in spite of all this, God still seems to think He's picked the right person. These days I really wonder what it is that God sees in me because at this point I can't see it. I just can't see it. And I still think He could have picked someone else far better than me.

Anyway, I am not trying to sound depressed, because I'm not. I think I'm just coming face to face with myself in the mirror and it's not a pretty picture, but then again that's also precisely the reason why I need God because I am a mess and I can't fix me. I don't know how to fix me.

So we'll see what God has in store, and God grant me the grace to finish this path, and hopefully as long as I keep my eyes on Jesus and take it step by step, maybe one day I'll wake up and realize that I've made it across the finish line. And the best part will not be that I made it, the best part will be that God gets all the glory because it belongs to Him in the first place.